Saturday 21 March 2015

Post No. 676 - Proxy Embarassment

I and a group of others recently had a problem with a taxi, which came about in small part because a young woman was concerned that a bag of sanitary pads I had in my handbag came out when I took out my purse to pay the taxi driver (neither the pads nor the payment were the problem - I’ll cover that in a separate post).

This young woman was embarrassed that sanitary pads were visible - or, perhaps more accurately, that they were visible in public. I was not embarrassed, and, furthermore, I do not consider anyone should be embarrassed by sanitary products or periods. In fact, if anyone  - especially a male - is embarrassed or uncomfortable, they should, frankly, grow the hell up. periods are a normal part of life for most women (not all - some are too young, too old, or don’t have periods - or perhaps have infrequent periods).

The incident led me, however, to start thinking about the problem of someone else being embarrassed when I - or someone central to events - is not. It does exist fairly broadly - I can recall kids being embarrassed by parents, for instance (and a few comedic skits featuring “you’re embaa-aarrassing me, Mum”). Other examples include:
  • women being “embarrassed” by other women’s bra strap or clothing stickers showing, or by the other woman’s style or perceived lack thereof;
  • men being “embarrassed” by other males not being stereotypically macho (I came across that a fair bit in country Queensland in the 70s);
  • work colleagues saying they considered something to be (professionally) embarrassing, or a “kick-in-the-guts” (delivered in a tone of voice that made it clear they were feeling superior, now that their insecurity had had a salve);
  •  … and a trans person finding a cross dresser embarrassing, or cisgendered people finding trans people embarrassing;
  • etc, etc, etc.

I’ve invented a new term for this: proxy embarrassment.

The examples I gave make it clear - well, to me, at any rate :) - that proxy embarrassment is, in essence, both a form of control (it is trying to pressure someone else is to complying with the embarrassed person’s opinions about how things should be), and an internal barrier to truth, honesty and perspicacity (as the embarrassed person is not looking at why they are having that reaction - it is a bit like the old political axiom that nothing distracts the voters from internal problems - such as economic woes - like a war).

Of course, there are some situations where this form of embarrassment may be justified - for instance, some clothing attire is not appropriate to some situations, and professional errors are, to say the least embarrassing.

Nevertheless, I have added a new quotation to my signature block:
Proxy embarrassment is both a form of control, and an internal barrier to truth, honesty and perspicacity.
In most situations, particularly social situations, proxy embarrassment is not justifiable.

I have also decided to add the following quotation:
Life is not a struggle for status.
That is not “life is not meant to be a struggle for status”, as every good, decent and (in the legal sense) reasonable person (i.e., every BPLF [aka “spiritual”] person) knows, when they think about what is important to them, that none of the forms of status - social, prestige / honour, political, etc - counts amongst those important things.

I have also added these quotations recently:
I mourn the desecration of the term 'Light Worker' by commercial interests, and the warping of the word 'Light' away from 'Clear Light' by the "(Fluffy) White Lighters".

Presuming that everyone has, or wants, a smartphone is
discriminatory, unspiritual, and downright stupid.

Obsessive love may be a cover up of guilt.
Some of these are because I am becoming a cranky old git :) … but they all have a point that is worth thinking about - at least once, at any rate :)
 

[1] BPLF = Balanced Positive (spiritual) Light Forces. See here and here for more on this.

[2] Please see here, here and my post "The Death of Wikipedia" for the reasons I now recommend caution when using Wikipedia. I'm also exploring use of h2g2, although that doesn't appear to be as extensive (h2g2 is intended - rather engagingly - to be the Earth edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy").

[3] I apologise for the formatting: it seems Blogger is no longer as WYSIWYG as it used to be.

Love, light, hugs and blessings
Gnwmythr, Wéofodthegn
(pronounced "new-MYTH-ear"; ... aka Bellatrix Lux … aka Morinehtar … would-be drýicgan or maga ... )

My "blogiography" (list of all posts and guide as to how to best use this site) is here, and my glossary/index is here.

I started this blog to cover karmic regression-rescue (see here and here), and it grew ... See here for my group mind project, here and here for my "Pagans for Peace" project (and join me for a few minutes at some time between 8 and 11 PM on Sunday, wherever you are, to meditate-clear for peace), and here for my bindrune kit-bag. I also strongly recommend learning how to flame, ground and shield, do alternate nostril breathing, work with colour, and see also here and be flexible.

I am a Walker upon the Path of Balanced Positivity, seeking Spiritual Maturity.
  • neither eloquence nor inarticulateness inherently indicates correctness, but, as words can kill, the right to freedom of speech comes with a DUTY to be as well-informed, objective and balanced as you can be.
  • Gnwmythr's Stropping Strap: Occam's Razor only works if  the simplest solution is actually recognised as being the simplest, rather than the one that best fits one's bigotries being labelled 'simplest'.
  • I mourn the desecration of the term 'Light Worker' by commercial interests, and the warping of the word 'Light' away from 'Clear Light' by the "(Fluffy) White Lighters".
  • Presuming that everyone has, or wants, a smartphone is discriminatory, unspiritual, and downright stupid.
  • Obsessive love may be a cover up of guilt.
  • Proxy embarrassment is both a form of control, and an internal barrier to truth, honesty and perspicacity.
  • Our entire life experience, with all the many wondrous and varied people, places and events in it, is too small a sample for statistical reliability about Life.
  • May the world of commerce and business be recognised to be a servant, not a master, of the lives of people.
  • Life is not a struggle for status.
  • Being accustomed to interacting via certain rules makes those rules neither right nor universal.
  • Like fire to the physical, emotions to the soul make a good servant, and a bad master.
  • The means shape the end.
  • My favourite action movie of all time is "Gandhi", although I've recently come across "Invictus" and might put that one in to that category. However, I loathe the stereotypical action movie - and, for similar reasons, I loathe many dramas, which are often emotionally violent, more so in some cases than many war films.
  • All of the above - and this blog - could be wrong, or subject to context, perspective, or state of spiritual evolution ...


Human dignity is the inherently cumulative holistic combination of human rights, wellbeing and potential, and all actions or interaction which promote, realise or facilitate same. The converse also applies: whatever degrades, diminishes or robs humans of dignity, is inherently undignified.
Gnwmythr

The “purpose” of spiritual evolution is not the attainment of “spiritual perfection” - not in the sense of not having to evolve further, at any rate, since there is no such thing. We need to evolve in order to grow - but we can take rest breaks (hopefully well earned :) ) along the way. No, the “purpose” of evolution is, rather, to perfect our ability to learn, and thus grow.
Gnwmythr

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Females, get over 'cute'. Get competent. Get trained. Get capable. Get over 'cute'. And those of you who are called Patty and Debby and Suzy, get over that. Because we use those names to infantalise females – we keep females in their 'little girl' state by the names we use for them. Get over it. If you want to be taken seriously, get serious.
Jane Elliott

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good [people] to do nothing.
(based on writing by) Edmund Burke

We didn't inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we only borrowed it from our children
Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction.
John F. Kennedy

Tags: attitudes, embarrassment, emotions, honesty, perspective, perspicacity, proxy embarrassment, self awareness, truth,
First published: Laugardagr, 21st March, 2015
Last edited (excluding fixing typo's and other minor matters): Saturday, 21st March, 2015